Good psychotherapy

           should be challenging. At the least it should push you to acknowledge your discomfort and see things a little differently – all things that are often easily avoided in life. When you are seeing a therapist that isn’t just coddling emotions or techniqueing their way like a bushwacker in a quiet forest, this work becomes about change. And that is rarely easy, or without cost. But when intentional, is always very much worth it.

And so you deserve some recognition just for considering therapy. I believe that the people who are drawn to work with me do so because somehow they are ready for something to shift in their lives. And if a person is not ready for a shift, they will not, or will stop coming to see me. Sometimes people don’t even know what they are doing when they arrive for therapy. They just know that they don’t like what they are experiencing, and are looking for another way.

Even so, it is hard to see what you yourself are doing that isn’t quite working. It always seems that you just need to try harder and it will come. But if you are pushing something in the wrong direction, then it doesn’t matter how hard you push it – it is still never going to end up where you want it. It’s like trying to catch the horizon.

Many people get caught up in teachers and therapists and healers who claim that they can help you achieve the horizon. They appear closer, by whatever our own measures, so we assume that they know better – but they are still chasing the same thing.

Let’s stop running away. We think we need to capture the sun so that we can finally rest permanently in the light. But when we look honestly at what we are doing, we see that this is both impossible and unnecessary. Thank goodness! What a relief.

We are already a star.

We don’t need any external thing to light us up. And this is true for every single possible living person. We all long to truly know this, and suffer when we can’t believe it is true. But no matter the depth of your perceived darkness, I’ve never met a person who can’t be shown to a portion of their own light.


Just because you can’t reach the horizon doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. That attitude just creates shame and guilt, the biggest reinforcers of the whole game, that keep us on a treadmill for lifetimes.

We can cut the loop, break the closed circle. We can do that through seeing things with radical honesty, with impersonal, objective understanding. When we do that, we get a sense of your own light.

And you start to see that it is enough.